I’m struggling to make sense of it all. Why, how, and what? But then at the same time I’m so over with it all. Over loving him, over mothering him, and over caring about everything he does or needs. Why were his needs so important to me, yet my needs weren’t, to him or to me?
I JUST WANT TO BE OVER IT!
Over it – when will I be over it? What will being over it look like? Feeling less temperamental? Less mood swings? My moods are like a roller-coaster, one minute I’ll feel indestructible, on fire, absolute purpose driven then it’ll hit a curve and then dip. The dip crashes into a black hole with no way out, no air, no doors and no windows. Then a much needed phone call from a friend and a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit into God’s word reminding me He is there for me, He is fighting for me.
Psalm 27 verses 1-3 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life: Of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked come against me to eat my flesh, my enemies and foes, they stumbled and fell. Though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear. Though war may rise against me, in this I will be confident.
These words brought me great comfort tonight. When it seems that your enemy who is your abuser is taking your life, taking your very breath, eating of your flesh know that God is there to fight for you. He is your life’s strength.