I haven’t written for a while, I’ve just been dealing with the day to day stuff and continuing to come to terms with my new situation.
I have mentioned before that I am a praying woman and I can say that it is definitely helping. The other day I had a very difficult situation to handle. Since the split Mr Abuser and I couldn’t agree on how much he should pay in child maintenance. I wanted him to pay an amount that would mean that I wouldn’t have to ask him for anything. I hated the idea of having to phone him to tell him that the kids needed something. I’m going to write you and excerpt from my journal;
“It’s Friday night and a couple of days ago I agreed with Mr Abuser that I would accept his offer to pay £50 a week maintenance, plus he would contribute to the childrens needs as and when needed. Since I have agreed I realise my error. I asked him to contribute to the childrens uniform costs and his reply was that because I have already paid for them then he won’t contribute but he will contribute for anything moving forward. This sent me into melt down. WHY IS NOTHING SIMPLE OR STRAIGHT FORWARD????????? I will be withdrawing from the contract based on his lack of honesty, integrity and respect. Since agreeing to his terms there has been a marked improvement in his manners and respect towards me. He is very obviously much happier when he feels in control. It is my folly to have allowed him to take back control. But it is only a minor set back as I will swiftly assume control again. I am going to turn this mess around for my good.”
Ok so now the next day;
“It’s Saturday afternoon and after careful, prayerful consideration I can say that I am going to stick to the agreement that I made with Mr Abuser with regards to the financial assistance he will give me and the children. Thankfully I didn’t act on my impulses last night. Last night I was hurt and confused by his actions but today I am refreshed. It’s quite absurd in human terms really, because I was woken up out of my sleep at 4am and the thoughts began to rush through my mind, which then led me to be unable to get to sleep. But the grace and mercy of God is upon me. I got out of bed, I was crying, I tip toed out of my room that I share with my children and entered my living room. I cried to God. Which is different to just crying because I told God what hurt, I laid my pain out before Him. I searched for my journal because I felt an impulse to write in it. I had to search for it because I hadn’t written in it for weeks. Then I wrote, slightly rambled into my journal. By the time I had reached the bottom of the page I felt better, clearer in my head. and equipped to deal with the situation that had arose. Bearing in mind that at no time had I picked up the phone and called or messaged anyone! Un-canny really because with the in-justice I felt from the night before many names of friends ran through my mind for me to call, to rant at or ask for advice. But today is a new day! The word of God in the second part of verse 5 in Psalm chapter 30 says; weeping may last for the night but JOY comes with the morning. I can testify to that and it’s a wonderful concept because not only did I not pester anyone or burden them with my problems but when I finally woke up after a deep sleep once I had finally gone back to sleep, I woke up with a solution to the problem. Which was to accept the financial help he was offering and make peace. There’s a bigger picture, which is to keep things as amicable as possible for as long as possible. My divorce papers are being drawn up at the moment and I really want him to sign them! That’s what is important. To top it off Mr Abuser and I actually had a conversation today, face to face and I wasn’t panicking and looking for the exits! Praise God! The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus; Philippians 4;7!”
I wanted to share that with you because it just shows how differently you act if you give yourself a chance to think clearly. Wait 24 hours before you commit to a decision. Seek wise counsel, run it over with friends. If I am honest my friends didn’t agree that I take the lesser amount Mr Abuser was offering me, they cried out at the in-justice of it, but it just didn’t sit right with me. I made my decision over a two week time span and now I am happy with my decision and I am at peace!